Sweet Gorilla of Manila!

 

by Knute Lombardi
February 5, 2007
Exlusive to TrueAggies.com

 

Sweet Gorilla of Manila! Peyton Manning, aka The Human Forehead,  has exorcised the demons haunting him and now has a Super Bowl ring. AND, thanks to inebriated voters (the O-line shoulda got a collective award), a SB MVP title as well. Peyton now has more letters after his name than some really smart professor guy that has a lot of letters after his name…or something.

The only 2 things that disgusted me more than watching the Colts win last night were the Snickers Man/kiss commercial and the Chevy commercial where all the half naked guys rubbed all over the car. I had to go back and watch the GoDaddy.com ads 15 more times to get those other images out of my head. The only problem with that strategy was that on the 15th viewing of the GoDaddy ad, I made the mistake if looking at the dancing woman's face. That's why there wasn't a 16th viewing.

Anyhow, now that Peyton Manning is "King of the Known Universe for Reals and we Mean it This Time", I just knew the NFL would be working overtime to make sure we all knew it. My suspicions were confirmed by the little birds (Knute-speak for "spies") at the NFL front office. Their report follows.
Things overheard at the NFL head office this morning:

1. National Peyton League...that doesn't sound so bad.

2. Didja see the panic in the eyes of the National Weather Service guys when we told them that if Indy lost, the NFL was going to ban rain at all future Colts games?

3. Is there any way to put Peyton's picture on the ball?

4. Sacked? Whaddaya mean he got sacked? That's it, next year we implement the "Count to 5 Alligator Rush Rule" for Indy games.

5. You know the intern who said maybe the Super Bowl MVP shoulda been the O-line or maybe an Indy RB? Well, he sleeps with the fishes.

6. From this day hence, all male children shall be called Peyton. And all their dads Archie. And all not so able-bodied; Eli.

7. President Ahmadinijad just called from Iran, he wants proof that we think Peyton may be the 12th Imam.

8. George Lucas just called, he said no to our idea to have Peyton named an Honorary Knight of the Jedi Order.

9. George Lucas just called back and said he'll consider it if we let him CGI Jar Jar Binks over Rex Grossman in every game for the rest of his career.

10. Peyton just called and declared the Right of Prima Noctae.

11. The Screen Actor's Guild is on the line, they're upset at our decree that Peyton be used in every commercial ever from here on out.

12. Call the Broncos and tell them thanks for lending us Jake Plummer…oh, and untie Rex Grossman and let him out of the broom closet.

If the spies at the league office report any more, I'll pass them on.

Regards,
Knute

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As always, you can email feedback, or comments and suggestions to Knute at knute@aggies.com

Knute