Fig Knute-ons

by Knute Lombardi
September 8, 2006
Exlusive to TrueAggies.com/UStateAgs.com

 

Well, well, well, well, well.

Week one was fairly interesting wouldn't you say? Okay, so all the local teams fizzled and apparently USU didn't even GO to Wyoming according to eyewitness accounts, but there were sure some interesting subplots. On to the Knutie Awards!

The Coaching with Both Hands Firmly Around Your Neck Award:

We have multiple nominees in this category including Kyle Whittingham, but the Knutie goes to Bobby Bowden and/or his offensive coordinator. Lessee, up three with 4 minutes and change left, you get the ball back with a chance to put the game away and you decide it's a good idea to pass deep three times. Thus running a grand total of about 43 seconds off the clock. Miami had TWO POSSESSIONS inside 4 minutes because of this stellar clock management. Luckily for Bobby his defense is pretty darn good and Miami was all sorts of bad offensively. Honorable mention to coach Whittingham for pulling Ratliff to get Grady some reps. This has been beaten to death so I won't say anymore on it.

The "Couldn't Have Been More Surprised if I had Woke Up With My Head Stapled to the Carpet" Award:

To the defense played by Arizona and BYU. Really. I figured Arizona to have a pretty solid defense, especially the DB's, but I thought the Zoobie offense was good enough to put up more than 13 points. And I figured that no matter how anemic Mike Canales' offense was, they'd put up at least a deuce and a half on BYU's allegedly terrible defense. Go figure. By the way, I have no idea how Mike Canales is not the USU OC. He has ties to the program AND his scheme is anemic. He should be a shoo-in. His lack of D-1AA experience is probably what held him back.

The "DUH!" Award:

This goes to former BYU fans posing as Ute fans everywhere. You know who you are. And the rest of us do too. We can identify you by the Kool-Aid stains on your upper lip and the dribble marks on your shirt. You REALLY thought that Utah was going to go into the Rose Bowl and beat UCLA? Seriously? Why? Utah was a mediocre school in a mediocre conference last year. So they won their bowl game, but if you don't think their disappointed opponent just went through the motions then pass the sugar cuz we're brewin' up another batch of that there Kool-Aid! UCLA was 10-2 last year in the PAC-FREAKING-10!! The Bruins new coordinators and a new QB were cited as reasons why Utah was going to win the game. How about talking about a UCLA offensive line that is like the Great Wall of Pasadena? About how if the Utes can't pressure a QB, their nasty D isn't so nasty (that goes for any defense)? Oh yeah, TOCB mentioned it, didn't see anyone else. I don't mind optimism in a fan base but delusion is tiresome.

Which brings me to.

The "The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same" Award:

Julius Cesar was told to "beware the ides of March" and he shrugged it off. Well, he got shived in the gullet for his refusal to pay heed. And TOCB took one to the neck as well last week for not "bewaring the rose colored glasses of August" and thinking the Aggies were going to start the season any differently than they had started the past, what is it now, 372 straight seasons? With a lopsided loss in which they looked like they had been practicing a different sport than their opponent all during the off season. Less than 80 yards passing? Keeping the defense on the field the entire game? Well, I mean they were playing the mighty Wyoming Cowboys who are the face of nasty defense in college football.or not. Aggie fans keep hoping, and Aggie teams keep disappointing. The playing field isn't really level with a schedule that is a joke and a football budget that is a punch line but Brent Guy is a fighter and Aggie fans are hoping the team responds. We'll see how the fan base responds on February 25th when the team finally plays it's first home game.er.I mean next week.

The "See Aggie Fans, It's Not Just Your Team" Award:

To the Miami Center whose nickname after film session this week is sure to be "Numb Bum" or "Numb Nuts" after he snapped the ball up into the air thinking the QB was up under him. Instead the QB was in the shotgun. How do you not feel that? Really? If someone has his fingers in my nether regions, I am ALWAYS acutely aware of it no matter how long I play center. In fact, I'm taking a look at those hands before each practice and checking for hangnails or warts. <SHUDDER> Anyway, fans who watch their team EVERY game see this sort of thing happen once in awhile and think it only happens to their team and that their team is the biggest bunch of boneheads on earth. But if you watch enough football you'll see there's enough bone for every head in the room.

The "Mmmmm.Crow's Good Eats" Award:

Eric Weddle, Utah's Mr. Everything (in fact I'm surprised Kyle didn't try him at QB, everyone else got a shot) on Ben Olson before the week before the game, "Who is he? He hasn't done anything. He hasn't seen a defense like ours." That's not true Big E, Ben's seen lots of High School defenses.

And now, on to The Ol' Crystal Ball!!

Last week: 2-1 - Shoulda been 3-0 but for some reason thought USU was going to not be USU for a change.

Tulsa @ BYU

I love listening to Bishop Mendenhall hold forth during his press conferences. He's the Neal A. Maxwell of coaching (Note to non-LDS readers, Maxwell was an LDS General Authority with a scientific background and he preferred florid prose when speaking) and I get a kick out of hearing him use five dollar words at a buck and a quarter event. So TOCB will attempt to pick this winner as if the Bishop himself were doing the picking.

Ahem.

Good morning brothers and sisters, it's my pleasure to stand before you today and take this opportunity to expound on a subject that makes my heart thrill: Cougar football. This weekend we are privileged to have as guests in our facility the young men of the Tulsa Golden Hurricane. Their coach is an exemplary gentleman whom I've had the pleasure of associating with on numerous occasions and I know that offensively, the problems that they present will be Herculean. However, our offense is fully invested and this week perhaps we shall repent of our stubbornness and run Hong Kong Fui Vakapuna a little more. It is my assertion that while this will be an offensive struggle, our defensemen are up to the task and I have no reservations in seeing their efforts this week. Thus my postulation is that BYU will persevere and overcome and they will stand as victors at that last minute. (Knute note: Also, the Cougs NEVER lose their home opener)

BYU 34, Tulsa 30

Northern Arizona @ Utah

Hey Coach Whittingham, you want to get Tommy Grady some work? Here's your chance. UCLA was a better team than Utah. Even without the "Great QB Swap of the Second Quarter" UCLA was going to win that game so get over it Ute fan and get ready for a whoopin'. The Ute defense will assert itself once again and Utah will roll in this one, giving Tommy Gun plenty of mop-up time late in the game.

Utah 41, NAU 13

USU @ Arkansas

Sigh. I told you about all the little birds chirping from the USU camp about how maybe this team could make some noise if everything broke right. Well, those little birds are just as bewildered as the rest of Aggiedom. USU needs to learn HOW to win. HOW to compete. It's been absent so long that a culture of losing just permeates that program and Guy and his staff have to do something to dispel that. Winning a game they aren't supposed to would go a long way toward that. Isn't it about time USU comes through? Aren't they due for that game where everything goes their way? Isn't it possible that a heavily favored opponent with a new QB and some issues of their own will overlook a USU team with something to prove? Isn't it possible that last week was a "perfect storm" of everything that could go wrong, going wrong? The answer to all of those questions is a resounding: YES! But not this week.

The Aggies cover the 4 TD spread but lose the game.

Arkansas 37, USU 17

That's it for this week folks, enjoy the football!!

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As always, you can email feedback, or comments and suggestions to Knute at knute@aggies.com

Knute