How come.?

 

by Knute Lombardi
November 16, 2006
Exlusive to TrueAggies.com/UStateAgs.com

 

I recently received an email from Mamma Lombardi (you remember her don't you? She's the one who said if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all, and that's why I haven't done a column for two weeks) with some interesting questions. It made me think of other interesting questions related to the local sports scene. SO, interspersed with some of the funnier items from Mamma Lombardi's email are my...

Musings at the tail end of a long season.

Who taught Mamma Lombardi how to use email and why won't they teach her to program her Tivo?

How come BYU fans can't remember how bad it sucked to suck and keep their suckholes shut now that they don't suck?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

How come we all drank the Utah Kool-Aid but their tough season doesn't get the same kind of derision a tough season for BYU would?

How come I didn't just read my first "how come" question as an answer to that last one?

How come people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why would it make perfect sense for USU to upset Boise this week thus ending their BCS bid and shafting themselves out of a cut of the money BSU would bring the WAC?

How come you are IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

How come the WAC commissioner isn't Don King and demanding all of BSU's WAC opponents take a dive in the third?

How come people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come BYU fans still think John Beck is a sub-par QB?

How come, "how come" is such a weird phrase to say when you say it a lot?

Why does UtahFan really think his/her team is a player in Big Time college football?

How come if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, there's a stupid song about him?

How come my wife badgers me into watching "Dancing with the Stars" and then gets angry when I keep talking about how hot the female dancers are? Does she want me to watch or not? That's the only thing that kept me watching.

How come USU just can't catch a break and then ride it to the next level ala Gonzaga or Boise or Rutgers?

How come Mrs. Lombardi begs me to take dance lessons after watching "Dancing with the Stars" and then gets mad when I say I will if she'll wear what the women on the show wear (and look just as good wearing it)?

Seriously, how come women don't dress in dancing outfits more often?

How come there's such a different air about basketball coaches than football coaches? One seems like a used car salesman and the other seems like a man's man. Maybe it's because basketball coaches wear suits and always have nice hair.

How come a hearse carrying a corpse can't drive in the carpool lane?

Who else besides Stu Morrill and Jerry Sloan don't fit the mold of basketball coaches I described above?

How come if electricity comes from electrons, morality doesn't come from morons?

How come now that BYU is doing so well, suddenly there are more LDS-centric stories about them in the media?

How come the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

How come you just tried singing the two songs above?

How come it's not okay to stand by your team when, although anatomically impossible, they both suck and blow at the same time?

How come when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

How many games will USU have to win to get the bandwagoners on board?

What will Utah have to do to get their delusional throngs back?

Why do BYU backers honestly think they should be ranked higher after losing to Arizona and BC earlier this year?

What will the Jazz have to do to fill the Delta Center again?

How will the BCS screw things up this year?

Finally, now that the in-laws have moved into the state, how will I be able to wrangle Thanksgiving dinner at their house AND Mamma Lombardi's?

TOCB

Sorry about the hiatus, I was out of town and had to move and just generally too busy to write a column I don't get paid for (I'd take any free shirts or hats or anything any admin wants to send my way though…hint,hint.). Just so you know, TOCB would have gone 7-0 in that span but they were easy games to predict. TOCB would not have predicted USU's rout by Nevada nor how easily BYU handled Wyoming but, again, TOCB doesn't care about the spread!

USU @ Boise

They may have to install scoreboards from the basketball arena for this one. Ever play TecmoBowl or Madden and try to roll up 100 points? Well it's Tecmo-Saturday in the capitol of the Gem State, even without their star RB.

Tecmo State 137, USU 0

UNM @ BYU

Tecmo-Saturday continues in the Provo Temple…er…The House LaVell Built, as the Zoo Train keeps on rolling! Mountain Dew and ice cream will flow like the Salmon to Capistrano in Happy Valley as BYU moves to 300-0…what? Oh…I mean 6-2. Sorry, the hype engine must've sucked me in.

BYU 48, UNM 16

Utah @ AF

I HATE the option. HATE IT! This game is nearly impossible to call but only because the effects of the Utah Kool-Aid are still lingering. Air Force has lost a lot of home games to good teams (Navy, BYU, Notre Dame), Utah isn't a good team. Air Force also lost to San Diego State. Utah isn't San Diego State. I can't do it. I can't go with the favorite. I'm calling for the mild upset and an AF win even though I HATE THE OPTION.

AF 33, Utah 26

Have a great weekend sportsfans!

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As always, you can email feedback, or comments and suggestions to Knute at knute@aggies.com

Knute