Happy Knute-O-Ween

by Knute Lombardi
October 28, 2005
Exlusive to TrueAggies.com/UStateAgs.com

Hey kids.

Hey kids. Halloween time and that means I have to try and figure out what costume to wear. In 1999 I wanted to go as Darth Maul from Start Wars, 2001, a black-robed Ringwraith from Lord of the Rings. But, because I'm not ready to make the move to Geek-who-attends-sci-fi-conventions-in costume, I never actually did it.

Speaking of that, my best friend (Vic Rockne. Hell of a guy. ), and I had a debate about attending a sci-fi convention last year. It seems our favorite author from our adolescent years was going to be in town and we thought it would be a kick to meet him. But we didn't want to actually be seen at the convention. It went something like this:

Me: "We should go and meet the guy for kicks."

Vic: " I dunno. There's all these dorks dressed up like Klingons and crap in there. I don't want any part of that. What if someone sees us?"

Me: "Good point. But maybe that is kind of like the girlie joint corollary."

Vic: "Who shot who in the what now?"

Me: "Well, it's like bumping into someone from your ward at the nudie bar. You're both there, no one is going to tell. What's he going to do, go to church on Sunday and say, 'Guess who I saw at Swinging Rumps last night'?"

Vic: "Yeah, but still. I'm not going."

Me: "Me either."

This year I may do it though just to get out of trick-or-treating. I think I'll go as Darth Vader in jammies. My son has that Darth Vader mask that breathes and distorts your voice (where was that when I was 8?) and I figure if I wear that with a pair of pajamas and some swim fins, it'll embarrass my kids so bad, I won't have to go out begging for candy with them.

Instead of Knuties this week, I have costume suggestions.

The Invisible Man: The BYU secondary. Notre Dame receivers were running around out there like rabbits at a drunk hunter convention and the Zoob DB's did almost as good a job as the drunken hunters at bringing them down.

Spongebob Squarepants: Utah , after stumbling through the last few weeks was skipping around singing, "I'm ready, I'm ready" and smiling from ear to ear like Spongebob after finding out they had UNLV coming up. That's only slightly better than a BYE week.

The Ghost of Bob Cole: To the USU coaching staff for taking Leon Jackson IIIIIIIIII out of the game when he was 9 for 9 for 100 yards and 2 TDs and Boise was off balance. Why did they take him out? Because "Jerrod Walker gets a series every second quarter and we wanted to stay with that". What!? Really? Way to be flexible with adjustments to the game plan. Listen carefully: You. Don't. Win. With. Musical. QB's. You especially don't win with musical QB's at USU.

The 1997-2004 Aggies: This year's Aggies. They do show flashes of promise, but the same dumb mistakes and weird calls (post possession holding call that somehow gives the ball back to Boise anyone?) that can only happen to USU, keep happening to USU.

Three Blind Mice: Every football ref in the NFL and college football this year. It's a tough gig but it has been brutal this year, especially in the NFL.

TOCB

USU @ Alabama

Talk about your scary weekend. USU goes to 'Bama to play the fifth ranked Tide. Some drunken moron told me this week he thinks that Aggies will put a scare into 'Bama. To that I said, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" This game will be close until the coin toss. The Ags do have a chance at 4 wins this year and that would be 2 more than I thought and they really do have me thinking that if a JC running back commits and they get a little more speed on defense, that they could be competitive in a hurry. But as Boise found out, the Big Boys play a different brand of ball. I don't even think the Ags cover a ludicrous spread.

Alabama 63, USU 21

Air Force @ BYU

So Fisher DeBerry says out loud what BYU fans have been saying amongst themselves for 2 decades and ignites a sh*tstorm. I don't like to touch on social issues because we have enough people screaming at us about those, but I'm trying to figure out how what DeBerry said was derogatory. Maybe stereotypical, but I would think a positive stereotype wouldn't be a bad thing. Guess I'm a bigger idiot than I thought. Air Force is going in the tank while BYU is coming off a tough ass-whooping. I still think BYU is trending up and I say the BYU Slow and Mostly Caucasians beat the Air Force Slow and Almost All Caucasians at the Provo Temple .er.Lavell Edwards Stadium.

BYU 33, AF 24

That's all sportsfans! Enjoy the game.

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As always, you can email feedback, or comments and suggestions to Knute at knute@aggies.com

Knute